How to Talk to an Addict

People start using substances and get to the point where they are getting more 

and more addicted. Soon after, they start lying and trying to cover up things, 

such as the amounts and types of drugs they are using.  This creates 

unusual behavior, causing them to change their patterns and routines. 

Many mothers or other family members think the most obvious thing 

to do is ask questions to find out what is going on with the person. 

Common questions include:

Why are you sleeping all the time?

Why are you late for work/school most days?

Are you still working?

Are you on something?

Are you taking anything?

Are you using drugs?

Where’s your money?

Why are you always so broke?

Since the addict is trying to cover their tracks, they will NOT tell you anything 

and usually lie. You will not find out anything at all. If you keep asking questions, 

you will end up in an argument with the person and they tend to run out the door.

The first thing to remember is don't ask any questions. Don't ask any question 

of any kind - even seemingly harmless questions will get you into an argument.  

An addict is always trying to hide things. Asking questions makes it's similar to 

poking around with a stick to find out all of the things that they are hiding and 

don't want you to know.

Family members of addicts - especially mothers - usually can tell that 

there is something wrong. They can see that the person has changed in 

various ways. They know that things are getting worse by observing 

that the individual is less happy, is experiencing personality changes, 

is asking to borrow money, is changing their friends, and eventually losing jobs, 

their homes etc.

The solution to deal with this is to sit the person down at a time that they are not 

high, drunk, or in pain of any kind from withdrawing. Trying to talk to an addict 

when they are high or drunk usually results in an argument and retaliation 

against you. They may accuse you of being wrong, or call you crazy and say 

you’re overacting, when all you are trying to do is express your love and concern. 

If they do open up to you in any way, listen to them but do not give 

them any opinion of your own, or tell them in any way what they’re doing is bad; 

just LISTEN to them. If they do tell you anything, it will most likely be just a tip 

of the iceberg and definitely not everything that they are doing or ingesting. 

They are trying to protect you from being hurt and worried, so they will minimize 

their use. 

If you keep trying to get them to open up and they don't, then drop the 

entire conversation and call us. We know what to do and will walk you through 

all the steps that need to be taken to help your addicted loved one. Don't keep 

trying yourself to fix this situation as you are setting yourself up for failure. 

It's not because you aren't intelligent; it’s because you’re not trained on what 

to do, but we are and it’s our job! Your job is to be the mother, father, sister, 

brother, child, or spouse of the addict, not the rehab expert. For example, 

if you don't know how to fix a car then you would take it to a mechanic 

instead of trying to fix it yourself, right?